The Lawyer Business Coach: Humor Means Health! Are Lawyers ‘Legal Eagles’ Or ‘Legal Beagles’?

Yes, I’m a lawyer. Please don’t hold it against me. Many people don’t like lawyers. They say they seldom return phone calls. Others complain that they charge too much money. Many say they don’t speak plain English, and instead speak what is sometimes called ‘legal gobbledegook.’ Some even think lawyers are all crooks.

Many people think lawyers should be eliminated altogether. But America loves lawyers. We have more lawyers, per capita here, than any other nation in the world. When I passed the bar and started law practice, the registration number I was assigned was 2,386. That’s how many lawyers there were in Colorado, USA. If I were to tell you how many Colorado lawyers there are today you wouldn’t believe me and you would think I was lying. By the way, you do know how to tell if a lawyer is lying don’t you? If his mouth is moving.

Again, many people think lawyers should be eliminated altogether. Shakespeare, in Hamlet, has the line, “The first order of business should be to kill all the lawyers.” Heaven forbid! Pogo, our cartoon philosopher friend, gave us an alternative: “Let’s just shorten their legal pads.” This sounds like a much more realistic idea to me. Doesn’t it to you too?

I write different types of articles: business, spiritual, and human development. I call myself ‘The Lawyer Business Coach,’ and ‘The Gospel Coach.’ Most people can understand me writing law-business articles. But many can’t understand me writing spiritual articles. I’ve had people say, “How can you be a lawyer, and a Christian too? Isn’t that a contradiction in terms?”

At a funeral service the minister said, “Here lies a lawyer, and a good Christian man.” One fellow asked the minister: “Did they bury two men in the same grave?” But, yes, I do write spiritual articles. My focus is living daily life in the power of the finished work of the gospel of Jesus.

My purpose in these humor articles is simply to give you a greater fondness for us lawyers. Maybe just a greater tolerance for us? Take your pick. Don’t forget to hug your lawyer today. On second thought, maybe that’s not such a good idea. Ignore that counsel.

Remember, lawyers are people too. Well, at least most of us. And at least most of the time. Whichever is greater. Or least. Or perhaps both.

Those Legal EAGLES (or is that ‘BEAGLES’?)

Lawyers are the legal eagles of society! We are the custodians of liberty!! We are the protectors of the people!!! We are the stalwarts of justice!!!! We are the upholders of the Constitution!!!!! And if you believe this, then I also have some ocean-front property in Denver, Colorado I want to sell you too.

We all know what an eagle is. It’s a large, gorgeous, strong bird that is the symbol of America herself. We lawyers like to consider ourselves legal eagles. We also all know what beagles are. It is defined as a dog who is a small hound, with a smooth, lavish coat, short legs and drooping ears. They also have a wide throat, and produce a deep growl or fierce bark. This describes a lot of lawyers I know.

It’s Hard For Lawyers To Stay Motivated

It’s especially hard for us lawyers to stay motivated because of all the negative lawyer jokes we hear all the time. I wish people would go back to Pollock jokes. But then I’m not so sure about this either, because Sir Frederick Pollock was a famous English lawyer barrister, and jurist.

I feed myself this stuff because it’s so hard for us lawyers to stay motivated. That is, unless we are suing someone. Why? Because we lawyers are the most enthusiastically negative people in the world. But it’s not without cause.

In defense of lawyers (most of whom need a lot of defense), do you have any idea how difficult it is to stay motivated, enthusiastic, or ‘up’ when you face one negative person or situation after another, hour after hour, all day long?

Law offices are negative, because they consist of lawyers. Also, a lawyers’ secretary is often down in the bumps because of her boss. After all, how would you feel if you were a legal secretary and you were ready to leave work for the day. You pop your head into your bosses’ office and say, “Hey boss, have a good day!” He snarls back at you: “Don’t tell ME what to do!”

That’s how it is in most lawyers’ offices. Wouldn’t this negative atmosphere rub off on you too if you had to work in it constantly?

Of course, clients are usually negative because of the things they are facing – criminal matters, traffic violations, divorces, bankruptcies, corporate problems, contract breeches, and many, many other types of things. When you’re a lawyer, you must handle those negative clients – and then fight with other lawyers and judges on top of that.

At the end of the case you often have to fight your client to collect your fee. Especially if you lose! What a business. It is no wonder lawyers are negative people.

Practicing law is a lot like practicing prostitution. In both cases, the value of services rendered drastically declines – once those services have been performed. It’s because clients don’t like to pay once services have been performed that makes many lawyers collect their fees in advance.

So, we lawyers spend all of our days fighting with everyone we come into contact with. Then we spend our nights worried about the next day’s activities. And you thought being a lawyer was just a lot of fun and games, didn’t you?

Next time we’ll talk about the mixed messages that lawyers often give people.

No Lawyer Required – Small Claims Court

Your best friend, or someone you thought of as a friend, asked you for a loan of $2,500.00. You had the money, and you liked the guy, so you said okay. Two months have passed, and he bought a new house. You know he’s not hurting. You called him after you heard about the house and asked when he was going to pay you back. He said he had huge expenses now because of the new house. He said soon. Two weeks later you called again. Again he said soon. You just put the phone down. You’re tired of calling. He said soon again. What to do next?

This situation sounds like a case for small claims court. Here’s what you need to do:

1. Letter

Write your friend a letter. Tell him that he has two weeks to pay you back. Tell him you want to resolve his payment to you in a friendly manner, but if you do not receive a check within two weeks, you will see him in small claims court.

We’re hoping that the letter resolves the non-payment problem. If it does not, you’ll have to continue to step two.

2. File a claim

Go to your local small claims court and complete the forms. You can probably download the forms from your county’s small claims website. Submit the forms to the small claims court. The court will schedule a hearing.

3. Service of process

Your friend has become the defendant. He must be served at least 15 days before the hearing date if the defendant lives in San Francisco county. If the defendant does not live in the county, s/he must be served at least 20 days before the hearing date. A capable adult must serve a true copy of the claim. You cannot serve the defendant.

4. Evidence

You next gather all evidence to submit at the hearing. Evidence would include a copy of the cancelled check that you gave your friend and dates and notes of all phone calls that you made to him. You may want to take a photo of his new house.

5. At the hearing

Small claims courts are generally much more informal that other courts. The judge will ask you questions, and then s/he’ll ask your friend, the defendant, questions.

If you have presented the situation with evidence, the judge will probably rule in your favor.

You’ve won your case, and your friend is now going to pay you back, but suppose he doesn’t. Suppose he is a real jerk and has decided that he wants you to have to work just a little harder to get your money back.

6. Collecting a judgment

You have to collect the judgment. The defendant may pay the amount directly to the court. If the defendant does not have the money, the defendant may have to pay installments.

If your friend refuses to pay, you can complete an Application and Order for Appearance and Examination which would require your friend to appear in small claims court to have his income and resources examined.

You could also consider wage garnishment by completing a Writ of Execution. This writ could also levy your friend’s checking or other bank account.

If your friend has a business with a cash register, a sheriff can go to the business for a till tap. The sheriff can take enough money from the cash register to pay the judgment debt. The typical sheriff’s fee for a till tap is $85.00. We hope your friend doesn’t put you in this situation, but if you are ever in this situation, the purpose of small claims courts is to resolve small problems without the expense of an attorney. This is the do it yourself legal remedy.

Disclaimer: This article is not to be considered legal advice. If you need legal advice, seek out a licensed attorney. Remember that small claims courts do not require an attorney. If, however, the losing defendant appeals the small claims court’s decision, the new venue is a superior court. In a superior court, you will need an attorney.

Law Firm Marketing: How a Bald Move Can Help You Stand Out From the Crowd

Recently, an Atlanta personal injury lawyer has been making waves in the blogosphere with a creative new law firm marketing campaign. The attorney, now – and perhaps forever- has become known as the “Bald Lawyer.” His billboard campaign has attracted attention not only in the ABA Journal, but also on a whole host of other sites, even showing up on the website of a major communications firm in the United Kingdom. With the amount of widespread positive attention he’s receiving, it seems clear that his creative advertising effort was a complete success.

Innovative Law Firm Marketing: Standing Out From Your Competitors

Law firm marketing has become ubiquitous, with a lawyer billboard on every corner and lawyers promising to get you a fast divorce or a big cash settlement during every commercial break. Because there is so much legal advertising going on, it can be very difficult to get potential clients to sit up and take notice.

Lawyers have a special challenge in getting customer’s to pay attention, since unlike selling a sleek and sexy new car or a cool new beverage, lawyer’s aren’t selling a lifestyle. Many of the lawyers who advertise offer aid to people who usually will become interested in their services only when something has gone wrong, and for everyone else, their ads will blend into the background.

Even when someone is seeking a lawyer, clients are going to have a hard time differentiating between one lawyer’s promise to “get justice” or “get results” and the similar promise made by countless others, often all standing in front of the same stock set of law books in the generic law office so popular in legal ads.

Not so for the Bald Lawyer. His eye-catching billboard features the slogan “Injured? Don’t Pull YOUR Hair out!” Below that is a big shot of the lawyer with his bald head, and the address for his website ‘MyBaldLawyer.com.”

What Makes The Bald Lawyer Ad Work

The Bald Lawyer ad works and stands out from other law firm marketing because it is different. It shatters the stereotype of the conservative, unapproachable and uptight lawyer by allowing the attorney to poke fun at himself… yet it does this without undermining the law or the legal profession.

The billboard also stands out because it attracts attention and because it gives the reader a memorable image. That image is accompanied by a website directly related to it, which fixes itself in the viewer’s mind right along with the image, becoming easy to remember.

Clients who see the bald lawyer ad will take more notice of it- even if just for a few seconds out of curiosity- than they would just another lawyer ad. This can translate into the ad staying in their minds, consciously or subconsciously. In turn, when they need a lawyer, they may just be tempted to visit the website they remember from the billboard where the client can learn about the services the bald lawyer offers.

Creating Your Own Innovative Ad

Other attorneys who wish to take their law firm marketing efforts to the next level can take a page out of the bald lawyer’s book. The ad is an important reminder that innovation is key in successful legal marketing, and that by offering clients some way to distinguish you from your competitors (preferably a memorable way), you can stand out from the rest.

When crafting your own marketing campaign, think of what makes you different. What aspects of your law practice management or law firm help you to stand out from the crowd and add value to your clients? If you can identify something that sets you apart and you can present that something in a new and creative way, your law firm marketing campaign is sure to be a great success.

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